Most people become very clear about what they want to achieve in life and what they want to do, when they find a purpose for living on this planet.
They feel fulfilled as they discover their ‘Reason for Being’. They find that their purpose in life is not the same as a goal in life. It’s not searching for a goal or pointing yourself at one thing and saying that’s the one thing I want to achieve.
A purpose in life is like a direction.
It’s like saying “East”. Now if you are headed East then there are going to be several cities along the way as you head in that direction and these cities can represent the goals you set in your life. Now when someone asks you what the purpose of your life is, the answer would not be “I want A” or “I want B” or “I need this or that”. You answer by saying “I am…”. Then look for a trait or attribute that best describes you, “I am generous”, “I am a teacher”, “I am an organiser” and find some characteristic that describes you.
In fact, right now, take 5 minutes to write down 5 traits that best describe you.
Sometimes these are blind spots in your life so what we need to do is ask close friends or family members, what exactly they think of when they think of us. Write down these traits and eliminate them one by one, be honest with yourself, until you find the one trait that best describes you as a person and that will be your purpose in life.
To give you an example, the purpose to my life is that I am an Educator. I am a great educator. I love teaching people in various ways, methodologies and forms. I love teaching children with stories. I love teaching by writing this article and the others that are fast on its heels and I love teaching by creating innovative TV and Radio programs. These books, Radio and TV programs, video tapes and audio tapes are goals along my direction in life.
I wish you good luck in finding your direction and Purpose in life too.
Remember, when you find it, you will find clarity in everything you do and your decision making skills will become that much more effective and your decisions will come to you easier and faster as well.
Tuesday, July 31, 2007
Monday, July 30, 2007
Is there a difference between growing old and growing up?
We are well aware as we look in the mirror everyday that parts of our body are responding quite well to gravity. Some of these parts are on our face and some of us call it growing old. Yet it’s not an automatic correlation that by growing old, we also grow up.
Is there a difference between growing old and growing up?
A lot people say “Well, as you get older, you get wiser and more mature. You become more adult-like.” What does that mean? When I take a look at my parents and how they’ve lived their lives, I begin thinking that they are still trying to discover what adulthood is. Yes, they have more responsibility, yes, they are tied into mortgages and payments of car loans and this and that. Yes, they have had children and had to raise them effectively and yes, they’re in a marriage but where did they learn about all this wisdom stuff and about adulthood from? From their parents!
Now I hesitate to ask that question about their parents as well. So we go back in time and find out that really, most of us have been pretending to be ‘grown up’ or playing the role of a grown up. Yet there is, inside of us, that child within, that inner child that we’re all aching to go back to. That false self we have in front of us is masking that real, fun child that wants to be set free, that wants to learn again, wants to have fun again.
Maybe this thing about ‘growing old with someone’ may mean sharing the getting of having more wisdom with this person and simply spending more time with them. For some people though, growing older leads to a common ailment, which is depression. What is depression? Well nobody knows for sure what causes depression but it’s associated with major life transitions like the loss of a loved one, a marriage, a job, moving or even such positive changes like winning the lottery.
Sometimes, however, there is no evident cause. Women are twice as likely to become depressed than men. People over 65 have 4 times the incidence rate of depression amongst younger people. Depression is the most common complaint that physicians hear.
Depression had previously been attributed to weakness of character and self-indulgence, something a person should just snap out of. Recent research however, has shown it to be something quite concrete and real. Brain scanning, with Positron Emission Tomography, has identified two parts of the brain that function abnormally during major depression. The left frontal cortex has an abnormally high blood flow and this may be associated with the constant flow of negative thoughts that typically accompany this state.
The Amygdala, a small inner brain structure, thought to regulate emotional reactions also had a high blood flow both during and between bouts of depression. So from a neuro-chemical perspective, depression is connected with reduced levels of the neurotransmitters, Serotonin, Norepinephrine and Dopamine. As a result of reduced levels of these neurotransmitters, especially Serotonin, people experience two symptoms, a feeling of depression and Anhedonia, the diminished ability to enjoy things that normally bring pleasure, such as food, sex or favourite hobbies.
Indicators of depression include:
1. Fatigue and weakness.
2. Inability to concentrate and make decisions.
3. Slow body motion.
4. Sad and empty moods.
5. Changes in eating patterns.
6. Feelings of failure and uselessness.
7. Changes in sleeping patterns.
8. Moodiness and irritability.
9. Weight loss or weight gain.
10. Preoccupation with thoughts of death and suicide.
Aside form the immediate discomfort that these symptoms produce, they also produce neuro-transmitters and neuro-peptides which inhibit the immune system so we become more prone to getting sick as well. Depression left unchecked and untreated can lead to what we call Depressive Psychosis. Simply put, it is a state of mind where the emotional content of any thought is magnified and treated as very real regardless of any evidence to the contrary. If you or someone you love has been depressed for a while check with your Physician or a Psychiatrist for immediate treatment.
Is there a difference between growing old and growing up?
A lot people say “Well, as you get older, you get wiser and more mature. You become more adult-like.” What does that mean? When I take a look at my parents and how they’ve lived their lives, I begin thinking that they are still trying to discover what adulthood is. Yes, they have more responsibility, yes, they are tied into mortgages and payments of car loans and this and that. Yes, they have had children and had to raise them effectively and yes, they’re in a marriage but where did they learn about all this wisdom stuff and about adulthood from? From their parents!
Now I hesitate to ask that question about their parents as well. So we go back in time and find out that really, most of us have been pretending to be ‘grown up’ or playing the role of a grown up. Yet there is, inside of us, that child within, that inner child that we’re all aching to go back to. That false self we have in front of us is masking that real, fun child that wants to be set free, that wants to learn again, wants to have fun again.
Maybe this thing about ‘growing old with someone’ may mean sharing the getting of having more wisdom with this person and simply spending more time with them. For some people though, growing older leads to a common ailment, which is depression. What is depression? Well nobody knows for sure what causes depression but it’s associated with major life transitions like the loss of a loved one, a marriage, a job, moving or even such positive changes like winning the lottery.
Sometimes, however, there is no evident cause. Women are twice as likely to become depressed than men. People over 65 have 4 times the incidence rate of depression amongst younger people. Depression is the most common complaint that physicians hear.
Depression had previously been attributed to weakness of character and self-indulgence, something a person should just snap out of. Recent research however, has shown it to be something quite concrete and real. Brain scanning, with Positron Emission Tomography, has identified two parts of the brain that function abnormally during major depression. The left frontal cortex has an abnormally high blood flow and this may be associated with the constant flow of negative thoughts that typically accompany this state.
The Amygdala, a small inner brain structure, thought to regulate emotional reactions also had a high blood flow both during and between bouts of depression. So from a neuro-chemical perspective, depression is connected with reduced levels of the neurotransmitters, Serotonin, Norepinephrine and Dopamine. As a result of reduced levels of these neurotransmitters, especially Serotonin, people experience two symptoms, a feeling of depression and Anhedonia, the diminished ability to enjoy things that normally bring pleasure, such as food, sex or favourite hobbies.
Indicators of depression include:
1. Fatigue and weakness.
2. Inability to concentrate and make decisions.
3. Slow body motion.
4. Sad and empty moods.
5. Changes in eating patterns.
6. Feelings of failure and uselessness.
7. Changes in sleeping patterns.
8. Moodiness and irritability.
9. Weight loss or weight gain.
10. Preoccupation with thoughts of death and suicide.
Aside form the immediate discomfort that these symptoms produce, they also produce neuro-transmitters and neuro-peptides which inhibit the immune system so we become more prone to getting sick as well. Depression left unchecked and untreated can lead to what we call Depressive Psychosis. Simply put, it is a state of mind where the emotional content of any thought is magnified and treated as very real regardless of any evidence to the contrary. If you or someone you love has been depressed for a while check with your Physician or a Psychiatrist for immediate treatment.
Sunday, July 29, 2007
Do Not Believe Everything You Read, See or Hear
More times than not we are bombarded with a lot of expressions in music and songs around us that bear witness to the mind and the thinking of the song writers. I cannot help but remember one of the songs sung by Mariah Carey.
It says, “I can’t live if living is without you.” Now set to music, it becomes a very powerful witness if you will to how we can become quite codependent in this society, how easily these songs can tell us that being codependent or feeling very dependent on someone else for our existence, or turning to someone to validate our existence, is quite normal because we hear it all the time on radio. Millions of people are listening to it, so it must be okay. But it is not okay.
These geniuses who write the songs may have a lot of psychological problems but we don’t see that. What they are expressing in their songs may be the way for them to vent their feelings. So they are talking about their thoughts and their thoughts are not all that clear. Sometimes they are searching for love in all the wrong places.
Have you heard that before? So where would the ‘right’ place be to search for love? If I fall in love the next time, it will be forever. What were you trying to fall in love with before? How were you intending to do that? Only part of the way? Intention is everything as well. Now in Hollywood, stories are written and sold for large sums of money. But what would sell? Fantasy.
During the Great Depression in the US, one industry that was booming other than the food industry was the film industry. People were so caught up with their pain and the realities of the Depression that they needed a good fantasy to lose themselves in for a couple of hours. That’s exactly what we are doing now as well. If we spend a lot of time watching television, you are subjecting yourself to the creative talents of all the writers there. Take a look at James Cameron’s wonderful story, “The Titanic”.
Compare that plot to his life and who he was trying to build a long lasting relationship with. It is very difficult if you take a look at the actors and the writers, you will find that they are still searching for self. They are searching for permanence in relationships which they find very difficult to live out in real life. So what do they do? They write it out. They out it in their stories.
We buy these stories, hook, line and sinker, believing that that is what love is like. The hero sweeping the damsel in distress off her feet and taking her off into the sunset. They will make passionate love together even while the ship is sinking. So who are you going to cling to as your ship sinks. So walking in the sunset, most people don’t realise, implies that it is going to be dark pretty soon and the harsh realities of that unknown darkness are yet to come to the fore. Or you may be thinking right now, “Frankly Scarlett, I don’t give a damn!”
It says, “I can’t live if living is without you.” Now set to music, it becomes a very powerful witness if you will to how we can become quite codependent in this society, how easily these songs can tell us that being codependent or feeling very dependent on someone else for our existence, or turning to someone to validate our existence, is quite normal because we hear it all the time on radio. Millions of people are listening to it, so it must be okay. But it is not okay.
These geniuses who write the songs may have a lot of psychological problems but we don’t see that. What they are expressing in their songs may be the way for them to vent their feelings. So they are talking about their thoughts and their thoughts are not all that clear. Sometimes they are searching for love in all the wrong places.
Have you heard that before? So where would the ‘right’ place be to search for love? If I fall in love the next time, it will be forever. What were you trying to fall in love with before? How were you intending to do that? Only part of the way? Intention is everything as well. Now in Hollywood, stories are written and sold for large sums of money. But what would sell? Fantasy.
During the Great Depression in the US, one industry that was booming other than the food industry was the film industry. People were so caught up with their pain and the realities of the Depression that they needed a good fantasy to lose themselves in for a couple of hours. That’s exactly what we are doing now as well. If we spend a lot of time watching television, you are subjecting yourself to the creative talents of all the writers there. Take a look at James Cameron’s wonderful story, “The Titanic”.
Compare that plot to his life and who he was trying to build a long lasting relationship with. It is very difficult if you take a look at the actors and the writers, you will find that they are still searching for self. They are searching for permanence in relationships which they find very difficult to live out in real life. So what do they do? They write it out. They out it in their stories.
We buy these stories, hook, line and sinker, believing that that is what love is like. The hero sweeping the damsel in distress off her feet and taking her off into the sunset. They will make passionate love together even while the ship is sinking. So who are you going to cling to as your ship sinks. So walking in the sunset, most people don’t realise, implies that it is going to be dark pretty soon and the harsh realities of that unknown darkness are yet to come to the fore. Or you may be thinking right now, “Frankly Scarlett, I don’t give a damn!”
Sunday, July 22, 2007
Forgiving Or Forgetting
Some people carry their pain around with them as if they were badges to be proud of. “I’ve been hurt by so many people before and everybody I meet will start to hurt me again. Oh everybody is out to get me. It’s a dog-eat-dog world.” You’ve heard these expressions before and some people use specific pains as tools for protection and perhaps even to give them more power in some situations.
Again, what I urge people to do in learning how to forgive or forget, especially parents who have been unwittingly causing pain to their children or teachers who have said the wrong thing sometimes or even relatives or care-takers who have been looking after children especially the child in you from the past, we need to turn to them and forgive them. So apply the same principle, not good and bad but what was useful and what was not useful, what was the learning in that situation? What did you gain and what did you lose?
When you take a look at the gains and the losses, be very clear about what exactly it is you lost. Then you will start to realise that really, you lost nothing at all. If you had some other way to learn the lessons that you learnt, you would be a totally different person from what you are now. Specifically, going back and giving to the child that you remember was you would be an amazing thing in itself. It is possible to do this right now. In fact, if you take a few moments to sit down quietly and think about how much you wish there was someone who could help you, the child of many years ago will come in and protect you and look after you.
YOU are the person that can do that. Take a moment, relax, take a deep breath, think of the time when you as a 4 or 8 year old could use someone loving, someone like yourself, having only your best interests at heart, go back to that time and take a look at the child that is you. Bend down and give that child the biggest hug that you can ever imagine and let that child melt into you or you into that child and let that child know that you’re going to help the child with all the resources that you’ve got, with all of the knowledge that you’ve got. Your sub-conscious mind is an amazing thing. It does not distinguish between what is real and what is not, what is past and what is present or what is future. Everything is in a single continuum for it.
So when you do this exercise with you as a 4, 8, 16 or 20 year old, it makes no difference. Go back and say to that person, that is you, “I give you my love, I give you my joy, I give you my happiness, I give you my knowledge and wisdom” Asyou fuse yourself into this imaginary person which is you, you start to find an abilty to forgive and perhaps not to forget altogether. What is important is that you forgive the people who have hurt you in the past.
Forgiving , if you split it into 2 words is really ‘for giving’. Who are you giving to but yourself? By letting go of all the hurt, pain and perceived cruelty that other people have placed upon you, then you start to realise that you have been dragging around a lot of corpses and your emotional baggage has been dragged into relationships and it is time perhaps to start travelling light again on this road to happiness, on this road home.
But forgetting when split into 2 words, you get “for getting” What are you ‘getting’ in response to forgiving other people? Well, you are getting freedom. You are doing all this, you are forgiving for you to get more knowledge, more wisdom, more learning and you open yourself up to more experiences and to the joy and the richness and the abundance that has been yours to begin with. You see, you were born rich but somewhere along the way, you convinced yourself that you didn’t deserve all of this. You convinced yourself that you were not worthy.
Again, what I urge people to do in learning how to forgive or forget, especially parents who have been unwittingly causing pain to their children or teachers who have said the wrong thing sometimes or even relatives or care-takers who have been looking after children especially the child in you from the past, we need to turn to them and forgive them. So apply the same principle, not good and bad but what was useful and what was not useful, what was the learning in that situation? What did you gain and what did you lose?
When you take a look at the gains and the losses, be very clear about what exactly it is you lost. Then you will start to realise that really, you lost nothing at all. If you had some other way to learn the lessons that you learnt, you would be a totally different person from what you are now. Specifically, going back and giving to the child that you remember was you would be an amazing thing in itself. It is possible to do this right now. In fact, if you take a few moments to sit down quietly and think about how much you wish there was someone who could help you, the child of many years ago will come in and protect you and look after you.
YOU are the person that can do that. Take a moment, relax, take a deep breath, think of the time when you as a 4 or 8 year old could use someone loving, someone like yourself, having only your best interests at heart, go back to that time and take a look at the child that is you. Bend down and give that child the biggest hug that you can ever imagine and let that child melt into you or you into that child and let that child know that you’re going to help the child with all the resources that you’ve got, with all of the knowledge that you’ve got. Your sub-conscious mind is an amazing thing. It does not distinguish between what is real and what is not, what is past and what is present or what is future. Everything is in a single continuum for it.
So when you do this exercise with you as a 4, 8, 16 or 20 year old, it makes no difference. Go back and say to that person, that is you, “I give you my love, I give you my joy, I give you my happiness, I give you my knowledge and wisdom” Asyou fuse yourself into this imaginary person which is you, you start to find an abilty to forgive and perhaps not to forget altogether. What is important is that you forgive the people who have hurt you in the past.
Forgiving , if you split it into 2 words is really ‘for giving’. Who are you giving to but yourself? By letting go of all the hurt, pain and perceived cruelty that other people have placed upon you, then you start to realise that you have been dragging around a lot of corpses and your emotional baggage has been dragged into relationships and it is time perhaps to start travelling light again on this road to happiness, on this road home.
But forgetting when split into 2 words, you get “for getting” What are you ‘getting’ in response to forgiving other people? Well, you are getting freedom. You are doing all this, you are forgiving for you to get more knowledge, more wisdom, more learning and you open yourself up to more experiences and to the joy and the richness and the abundance that has been yours to begin with. You see, you were born rich but somewhere along the way, you convinced yourself that you didn’t deserve all of this. You convinced yourself that you were not worthy.
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